Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014 To-Do List: Where Have You Been and Where Are You Going?


Happy 2014! It's time to reflect and renew those commitments we made to ourselves the previous year to in essence, do better. However, instead of just making resolutions all willy nilly, I think it's better to look at where you've been to figure out where you need to go.

For me 2013 has been a transformative year. I've had some triumphs and set backs, but this year was definitely the one where I learned more about moi and how to manage my own crazy. I'm complicated, emotional, opinionated, passionate, a little loud and often unintentionally hilarious. I'm also loyal, protective of the folks I care about and pretty dang dependable if I do say so myself. I ain't perfect, but I'm coming into my fabulosity (s/o to Kimora).  I now know more than ever what people meant when they said people won't value or love you unless you do the same for yourself.

This is year I've had the pleasure of using my passport for the first time, singing for the president and other dignitaries (TWICE), and attending my first inaugural ball. What I'm most proud of is the progress I've made in tackling the clinical depression that's negatively impacted every facet of my life for longer than I care to say. Oh and there's the fact that I'm still cancer-free. That's kinda of important :)

If those were the highlights, then the less-than-stellar moments of 2013 would have to be the vicious fights that I had with my sister leading up to her wedding, almost not going to her wedding, and experiencing my first real heartbreak

As I look back on all the good, bad and ugly, I now have a better sense of what I need to do to continue my transformation into 2014 and beyond. What about you? Where have you been. and where are you going in 2014?

Stay random and Happy Freakin' New Year,

Jay



Monday, December 16, 2013

808s & Heartbreak - The Recognition and Liberation

I recently discovered that a man that I cared for deeply didn't really care about me at all. Basically it was all lies and melodrama. How do I know? He got engaged in September, told me he missed me and sent my flowers for my birthday in October, and got married in November. Shonda Rhimes, I'll give you that storyline for free, as long as I get some kind of credit.

I won't go into all the gory details, but I knew an engagement was coming for a while, but knowing and accepting are two different things. We were close friends for a long time before feelings started to develop. I loved him, and I thought he loved me. The timeline that I referenced above is what blew my mind. I found out he got married on Facebook and discovered the engagement date when I googled his name. Now, let that sink in for a minute: He got engaged in September, but told me that he missed me and sent me flowers in October. I did not know in October that he was engaged. I found out everything in November. Did I mention that as recently as August I was also trying to help this mofo find a job? Yeah. Messy would be an understatement.

Anywho, the whole situation left me reeling because it revealed to me what a cowardly, selfish person he really was and left me with the realization that I had invested four years into our...situation and got absolutely nothing out of it except stupid flowers, empty promises and lies by omission. What's worse is that I bear a huge amount of responsibility. I knew our situation was doomed for a long time, but I kept going with it because I didn't value myself and wasn't strong enough to break free. HOWEVER, it takes two to tango, and he definitely bears as much if not more responsibility for what happened. What he did and how he handled everything was BEYOND S*****, just in case there was any doubt.

In the immediate aftermath of my wedding discovery, I was understandably angry and hurt. How could he...? How could I...? WHAT THE ENTIRE F***!!!????
 
My emotions were all over the place. I vented and cried to friends over the phone, in person, over text, you name it. Later on, it was the whole struggle with trying not to think about him and get angry and sad because I was NOT going to let his trifling ass have that kind of power over me. He was her problem now.

Up until recently, I thought I was in a good place about everything until I went to party with a friend.
While there, two guys started talking to me, my friend and her friend. I thought one of the guys was cute and tried to talk to him. I looked cute that night, and thought I had a shot. However, it wasn't meant to be. He took a liking to my friend's friend, and the rest is history. Here I was in a cute little black dress, and he passes me up for a girl wearing a hat, turtleneck and glasses. I felt so rejected that I left the party, not in a huff but in defeat. Ole boy had rejected me, and now it was happening again. I couldn't take it. I had to get out of there.

When I got home, I called my sister and talked in between tears. We both knew I wasn't crying because the guy at the party was so great. This rejection stung because of the ultimate rejection I had experienced in November. What was wrong with me? Why did he choose her? Am I that bad, that awful? Why wasn't I good enough? What did she have that I didn't? How could we have shared what we did for FOUR YEARS, and he still choose someone else? How could he do this to me? How could I do this to MYSELF? Did he ever love me? Was I just a distraction when she wasn't available?

In the midst of this purging and hurt my sister said something simple and yet profound: "He broke your heart." Yes, that was it! No wonder I was still struggling to move on and not hate him. No wonder I was gravitating between border-line hate one minute and hostile faux indifference the next. I'm beyond hurt, I'm devastated. This is what heartbreak feels like, and it's painful as hell.

Here's the good news though: As soon as I admitted that my heart was broken, I felt free of a tremendous burden. I don't know how to explain it, but the acknowledgement alone liberated me in some way. I forgave myself for not getting out of a bad situation sooner. I stopped hating him and wishing bad things for him. Instead, I just hope he understands what he did was not OK and that he doesn't do it to anyone else. A lot of the anger left my spirit (not all, but a lot). I still think about him from time to time and struggle with the idea that he didn't care about me as much as I thought, but it's getting better. I don't need an apology, closure or an explanation. He's still an ass, and it probably wouldn't satisfy me anyway. I'm good, really.

My pastor said it like this: "God always has another." Another job, boo, opportunity, whatever. Since that's the case, let me continue work on myself so that I can distinguish between a counterfeit and the real deal when the next guy comes around. 

Stay random and love yourself,

Jay.


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Why Won't You Let Thanksgiving be Great??



Happy Thanksgiving! Now, do yourself a favor, and just let Thanksgiving be great. It’s not Pre-Christmas, and despite what Wal-Mart, Target and the other greedy retailers tell you, it’s NOT a day to rush through dinner at grandma’s to buy a bunch of discounted stuff you don’t need.

You know what Thanksgiving is? Above all else, Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for all things that impact your life, both big and small. It’s a time to be grateful for what God has brought you through and kept you from. Whether it’s the fact that you don’t have to cook this year, or that you’re still standing and gaining strength and wisdom despite heartbreak, job loss, health issues or financial ruin, you’ve got a reason to be thankful.

Also, be thankful for what God is doing in the lives of other people.  After all, the world doesn’t revolve around you, thank God. See what I did there? :)

Thanksgiving is also:
·A time to eat enormous amounts of food and take epic itis-induced naps
·A time to watch football and go see a movie later that evening
·A time to either eat a struggle plate or gag at the sight of one on Instagram
·A time to be annoyed and amused by your friends and family…at the same damn time

Annnndddd, if nothing else, be thankful for this:


You’re welcome. Save me some mac-n-cheese and stay random.
--Jay

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Regrets: It's OK to Have Them

I hate it when people say they have no regrets. It's a lie if ever there was one. We all do dumb things and make mistakes. If you don't regret wearing that Herve Leger dress when your body was better suited for a Dress Barn outfit, then something is wrong. Regrets aren't bad, as long as it's not the end of your story.

I regret investing an extraordinary amount of time in someone who didn't deserve me. What's worse is that I knew our complicated "situation," wouldn't work out, but I pressed ahead anyway, like a fool. What I regret most is outlined in the letter below. Get into my confessional and learn from my mistakes.

Dear XXX,

I heard you got married. I also heard that the time between the engagement and the wedding was fairly short. Because of what I heard, I know the time we spent together and the words that were said overlapped with your plans to marry another woman. Consequently, I have regrets about our situation because you're not the man I thought you were.

I regret believing that you actually loved or cared about me. I regret giving you my time, love, attention and friendship. I regret letting myself be vulnerable with you because you weren't worthy of my trust. I regret believing your words rather than your actions.

I regret believing you would one day explain yourself and provide the closure I thought I needed. I regret thinking about you and missing you because I now realize I wasted time and energy that I can't get back. I regret believing your sweet words and gifts meant anything at all.

I deeply regret that I didn't break free of our doomed situation sooner. I tried many times, but you had an uncanny ability to call or text at just the right time, and I always got sucked right back in. I regret that I wasn't stronger.

Bottom line: You're a cowardly, selfish, awful person, and I regret not acknowledging this fact a long time ago. 

Sincerely,
Me

So, as you can see I have a lot of regrets about this situation, but I'm at peace with them. Why? Because experience is the best teacher, and I plan on being an A student. (Want details about The Great Regret? Check it here.)

Stay Random,

Jay

Friday, November 15, 2013

SCANDAL INDEED: HAS SHONDA RHIMES GONE TOO FAR?

What the hell Scandal? I mean, Shonda, I'm still trying to process what happened, and I don't know if that's a good thing. ***SPOILERS AHEAD!****

At its heart Scandal has always been a soap opera, and as someone who has watched everything from Dynasty to The Young and the Restless, I've always been fine with that. Since it's a nighttime soap, a lot has to happen to hold fans over week after week, and Scandal always delivers. That's part of the appeal and part of the fun (watching Scandal on Twitter is pure comedy) However, after tonight, I'm wondering if they gave us too much.

This latest episode was all about Mellie and how she got to be the cold, power hungry, whore tolerater she is today. I've always had sympathy for Mellie, unlike some fans, because I believe she loves Fitz the person, as well as the power. I also believe that all of her heinous shade and draw dropping shenanigans are done and said out of a place of extreme hurt. I mean, Fitz treats her like ish, and that's putting it mildly.

Well, how did Mellie become Mellie? Based on the flashbacks in this episode, Mellie and Fitz really did love each other in the beginning of their marriage, and she was always confident, strong, smart and ambitious. What changed? Oh, just being raped by Fitz's disgusting father and never telling Fitz Jr. what happened.

YES, you read that correctly: Fitz Sr. raped his son's wife. Oh, and now there's the question of whether their oldest child is Fitz's son or half-brother. Um, WHAT?!!!!!! I thought I was watching Scandal, not All My Children.

Now, the headline of the episode should have been that Mama Pope (ABC is promoting next week's episode with #MamaPopeLives. Interesting) is alive and in jail, and Daddy Pope put her there after getting her off the plane before Fitz shot it down. But, all anyone will be talking about is the rape, and we should because like many people, I'm not quite sure how I feel about Scandal going...there.

I love character back story and flashbacks, and was enjoying seeing that the "old" Mellie wasn't always the Lady Macbeth of the White House. However, that shifted once I saw what was happening between Fitz Sr. and Mellie. If nothing else, seeing Mellie get raped by her father-in-law was shocking and gross. More importantly, it felt unnecessary and out of place. Did it make Mellie more sympathetic? Of course, but at what cost? Was this really the best way to make viewers understand Mellie's motivations? I sincerely doubt it.

I'm not the only one who was taken aback by this sharp change in direction. A number of folks on my Twitter timeline used the words like "trashy", "lazy", "nauseous" and "jumped the shark" in their opinions about tonight's episode. There's also the issue of rape as a tool to "break" women and the fact that this breaking is at the hand of show runner extraordinaire Shonda Rhimes.



Oh lawd. A Tyler Perry comparison. Well, I can't say I blame anyone who was outdone by this episode, but I don't know if I'm ready or willing to echo these sentiments. I'm still trying to unpack what I saw, but the only way I can describe it is to go old school and say what I watched didn't sit right with my spirit.

Unfortunately, some people will see this episode through a "rape denial" lens, where rape is preventable or a tool women have at their disposal to somehow get the upper hand. That speaks to rape culture and how sick some people are to actually believe that women, even fictional TV characters, bring rape upon themselves or don't fight back enough, as if those things can actually happen. I won't get into that nonsense, but it's one of the downsides of social media: you find out how terrible, twisted and cowardly some people really are when the subject is rape.

Stories about rape need to be told, but when rape is used as a gratuitous plot twist, it just feels wrong, it feels disrespectful to rape victims and it just wasn't necessary. Scandal writers are some of the best in the biz, but I hope Shonda and Co. understand that they can and should do better. 

So, I guess I did unpack how I feel about this episode. Writing will do that.


P.S. Other things of note...Quinn made out with Charlie, killed somebody (by accident), and is now owned by B613; Sally's husband apparently plays for #TeamCyrus&James; Fitz Jr. knows that Rowan is Daddy Pope; Olivia was practically MIA from this epi; and like I said earlier, #MamaPopeLives


Stay Random,

Jay

Sunday, November 10, 2013

WHEN THINGS FALL APART...LIKE BLOG POSTS

So, I had this lovely post all ready to go last week. It had pics and links and was about a subject that I love: fall and all the beauty that comes with this quirky little season. It was also one of those list posts that can be quite writing-intensive, depending how deep you want to go.

So, I was making some adjustments when I used the "undo" function one too many times and undid my blog post into oblivion. Um, to say I was destroyed would be an understatement. There were screams, frantic efforts to recover the post, tears, profanity (obviously) and a call to my sister.

Anyone who was written anything on a laptop knows the pain of completing losing a cherished piece of work at the end stages. However, what this experience taught me, besides the fact that "undo" is evil and needs an overhaul, is that I was upset because I care about this blog. I care about one day doing the contributing/freelance writing thing. I like it when people like my writing. In fact it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Hopefully you folks aren't blowing smoke with your compliments, and maybe I can make this writer thing happen. After all, I care, dammit.

Anywho, enjoy your Sunday and stay random, and HAPPY FALL!

Jay

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

CrazySexyCool or..Young, Dumb and in Love: The TLC story

Like many folks, I was pleasantly surprised by VH1's "CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story." Thanks to this movie, I now know that Left Eye was originally from Philly, Lil' Mama can do more that keep her lip gloss poppin' (seriously, Lil Mama got acting chops), and that "No Scrubs" and "Creep" won't stop playing in my head anytime soon (I miss the 90s. *sigh*)

In addition to getting a kick out of seeing a college friend in the movie, it was interesting to learn more about the ladies' love lives, or their adventures into the Land of Young, Dumb and in Love, and its suburb, Dumb and Sprung.

The TLC ladies, T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili, all stayed in relationships way too long  that weren't good for them until they finally woke up and got a clue (some might say that Chili is still sleeping, but I digress). Raise your hand if you've been there, are still there or on your way there. Yep, that's pretty much every woman EVER. 

What's crazy about the Land of Young and Dumb, is that it's not just the young that are taking up residence. Case in point, I ain't exactly young (Generation X stand up!), but I'm finally starting to come out of a situation that could have been, but never was because of certain choices and wanting to believe that I was special enough to change the unchangeable. Never mind that a lot of beautiful words were said, and a lot of flowers and messages were sent, it was never going to be me, and it was probably dumb to think otherwise. After all, actions are a LOT louder than words, and I got a lot of words. 

I don't know why it wasn't me, and I shouldn't care, but it still bothers me. It's effing annoying. It also doesn't make a lick of sense. The "I didn't know how to tell you..." and promises of explanation probably won't amount to much because: A) How do you not know how to tell someone something? Open your mouth, speak and tell the truth. It really is that easy. And B) Men and communication don't really get along. God forbid you ask a man to express his feelings, with, you know, words and ish.  As my married girlfriend once told me, "Is it stupid? Yes, but that's just how men are."  Sorry to generalize guys, but you know how you like to do. 


So while everyone else focused on how Pebbles and L.A. Reid took advantage of TLC's naivete and left them broke (Beware the wrath of Black Twitter, Pebbles.), I obviously focused on what Chili's mom said in the movie: "We've all been there."

Yes, we've all been there, but we don't have to stay. 

Stay Random,

Jay


Sunday, October 6, 2013

Scandal Indeed: Olivia Pope and her Daddy Issues are a Motha!


They say that all girls marry their father. If that's the case, are some of us screwed? On this week's episode of SCANDAL, we got a little peek into what makes Olivia Pope tick and apparently it's a complicated relationship with her father, Rowan, aka, Daddy Pope, formerly known as Senator Whitley's Byron, played perfectly by Joe Morton.

Rowan is an extremely powerful, terrifying, ruthless, abusive individual who will literally put mofos in a hole if they even think of stepping out of line. Despite being the CEO of Goon Inc., he's still a father, and when Olivia is outed as the president's sidepiece, he swoops in to save his baby girl from herself. Whether he's doing it because he loves his daughter, wants to control her, or a combination of the two remains to be seen, but it's classic father behavior. Like his daughter, he's a fixer (albeit Rowan's methods are a tad more extreme),
so naturally he comes in to rescue Olivia and tries to "fix" what's broken.

But, he can’t just be a savior. Nope, he has to yell at her, denigrate her, insult her, and reduce a grown, intelligent, powerful woman in her own right to a scared, trembling child. I mean, in the first five minutes of the show, Daddy Pope read Olivia for FILTH, and Olivia couldn't do anything but deal:

Rowan: “You raised your skirt and opened your knees and gave it away to a man with too much power. You’re not rare. You’re not special. Your story’s no different than a thousand other stories in this town so you know how this goes. You could call this in your sleep. First they’ll smile, be warm, sympathetic, on your side, letting you know that they will fight for you. They will pull you into a false sense of security. And then, once your belly is exposed, they will gut you. And they will be swift about it. And by the time you realize you should be fighting back, well, you’re already bleeding to death. That is the presidency versus you. Whose victory do you think they will fight for? Whose body do you think they will bury?” Olivia: “He would never do…” Rowan: “He would never. You and I both know that he is not in charge. He is never in charge. Power is in charge. Power got him elected. I know more than you could possibly imagine about things of which you cannot dream. He told you that you would be first lady, and you believed him! Did I not raise you better? How many times have I told you, you have to be…what? You have to be…what?” Olivia: “Twice…” Rowan: “What?!” Olivia: “Twice as good.” Rowan: “Twice as good as them to get half of what they have. Sleeping with that…For God’s sake! You know to aim higher. At the very least, you could have aimed for chief of staff, secretary of state! First lady! Do you have to be so mediocre?” (Source: http://loveniaimani.tumblr.com)
Unfortunately, for some people, this is also classic father behavior.

During the episode, we discover Olivia may have a penchant for older, powerful men. Fitz (in all his awful, selfish, manipulative man child glory), certainly fits the bill. Rowan is also extremely powerful. See the connection here? Olivia may not be here for her father's God complex, but there’s a reason she’s attracted to power and a reason why she doesn’t exactly get along with Daddy Pope, and it’s deeper than just “all girls marry their fathers.” Maybe it’s more like what Iyanla said on a recent "Fix My Life" episode, all women marry their fathers. We marry who our father was, who we wanted him to be, and we marry the father of our fantasies.

This is so real for me because I too have a messy relationship with my father. I’m not a “daddy’s girl” by any stretch of the imagination. Now, my dad is no Rowan, but he ain't Cliff Huxatable either. Let's just say that some fathers have no concept of anything but the tough-love-with-a-side-order-of-fear approach without any regard for a little thing called self-esteem (Love you, dad, but let's keep it 100).





The thought of marrying anyone remotely like my dad scares the crap out of me. However, like Daddy Goon, my dad will swoop like Captain-Save-A-Daughter in a heartbeat to "fix" something. He'll just make you feel like ish while he's doing it. The "twice as good to get half of what they have" stuff? My dad never said that directly to me, but it was implied like a mug (I think many children of color of a certain generations can relate to that one). I love my dad, but I don’t want to marry anyone with the characteristics that make our father-daughter relationship so complicated. So does that mean I want to marry the man I wanted my dad to be? Does Olivia? What camp does she fall into? If all us gals who want to get married are really just looking for our dads, aren’t we just setting ourselves up for disappointment? Can we just take our dads out of this, and just be open to a good guy?

Man, they don’t call them Daddy Issues for nothing.

Stay Random,

Jay

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Have light-skinned brothers finally made a comeback? The Sequel: Now with more chocolate



Back in 2012 I wrote a post about light-skinned dudes making a comeback. It was all in fun, but for whatever reason (you know who you are), it remains my most popular post.

So, in the interest of giving the people what they want, I decided to do a sequel...kinda. This time I'm not only talking about high-yellowness,but all shades of the chocolate rainbow.

First up, the 2013 class of Team Light-Skin:

    Colin Kaepernick 
    Did I know who the heck 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick was before last year? Nope, and neither did you. Ever since he burst on the football scene he's been everywhere, naked in ESPN the Magazine, half-naked in GQ, commercials, etc. Some might say he's overexposed. Others, like me, are enjoying the view. Oh, word on the street is that the 25-year-old football star is dating the lovely 42-year-old Sanaa Lathan. Discuss and be jealous!  
     
    And while we're on the subject of naked athletes in magazines, I'd like to give a shout out to ESPN's Body Issue.


    Last year we got Tyson Chandler and his glorious glutes on the cover, and this year we get Colin in all his tatted-up glory. ESPN's Body Issue: the gift that keeps on giving.   


    Dewayne "The Rock" Johnson

    Who doesn't love Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? He's BIG, tall and gorgeous and seems like a cool guy. Hence, his placement on this list. However, I do so with a bit of hesitation because of this ESSENCE cover. Um, I've never heard of The Rock dating a Black woman, but there he is in all his fineness talking about what he likes about Black women (slight side-eye). Uh, OK boo. Hopefully you weren't lying to ESSENCE, and we'll see a sista on your arm in the near future. Until then, stay fine.















    Daniel Sunjata 


    Who remembers Daniel Sunjata as Louis LeRoy on Sex in the City? If you don't, you ain't no real fan of this pretty piece of man candy. Seriously, he was one of the reasons I watched Rescue Me for as long as a I did. He's got a new show called Graceland on the USA network. I'm at capacity with my TV shows, but check out the show (I hear it's good), if nothing else than to peep what you've been missing.











    Matt Kemp

    Anyone who knows me understands how much I HATE, HATE, HATE baseball. Seriously, it's like chicken pox. It's painful and takes way too long to go away. So, how do I know who Matt Kemp is? All praise be to Rihanna for introducing the world to the cuteness that is Kemp. If baseball is chicken pox then Kemp is calamine lotion, making the pain go away, at least for a little while. Oh Matt, this would be so much easier if you just played a sport that I liked. Why won't you cooperate, with your cute self?



    Lenny Kravitz


    Lenny Kravitz is almost 50 and putting most of these young bucks to shame, and not just in the fine department. In addition to being a rock star, he's acting career is on 10 with roles in The Butler, Hunger Games, and more. He also has his own design firm...and an island in the Bahamas. Get. Yo. Life. Lenny is doing the damn thing, and he's doing it well.    


    Derrick Rose


    If ever there was a light-skinned dude making a comeback, it's Derrick Rose. D. Rose hasn't played in nearly 18 months due to a torn ACL and put everyone on notice that he wasn't going to play again until he was good and ready. Well, he says he's good to go, and I'm sure fans everywhere can't wait until he steps back on the court. Chicago stand up!












    Honorable Mention


    Laz Alonso

    Don't you wish you saw of more of Mr. Alonso? I mean, look at him. He's FIONE and he's bilingual. If that ain't sexy I don't know what is. Hopefully he'll get the TV or movie come up he deserves, and all of our wishes will be granted.




    Light-skinned Oreos 


    Yeah, I'm putting cookies on this. Why? Because they're light-skinned, and I hear they're really good. It's my list and I can do what I want.










    Now, I promised a broader spectrum of fine in this post, and I'm a woman of my word. Next up: the 2013 class of Team Chocolate (milk and dark): 

    Idris Elba


    You can't have a proper Team Chocolate list without Idris Elba. I mean, bloody hell, do we even need to discuss this? Nope, I didn't think so. Keep calm (if you can), and carry on.
     

    Lance Gross 
    Lance has beautiful skin, pretty teeth, a new TV show, impressive photography skills, and seems like the type of fineness you could take home to your moma. Now, after you leave your moma's place...well, this is a family blog but you get the idea :)



    Columbus Short 
     
    Oh Harrison, you gorgeous gladiator in Gingham. For many people, Scandal is all about Olivia and Fitz. But when they're not having hate sex, it's all about Harrison, his tailored suits and his raspy yet sexy voice. Now, from what I hear, he isn't exactly the best husband (marriage #2 recently went kaput), but Harrison, I mean Columbus, is an actor, so just enjoy the fantasy.


    Morris Chesnut

    I am so excited to see The Best Man Holiday in November and part of the reason is because Morris Chestnut is STILL fine after all these years and all his hairstyles. Morris and Lance are in a tight race for the prettiest teeth prize, but Morris has been holding it down for dark brothers with pearly whites since the early 90s, so advantage Morris. 












    Blair Underwood  





















    Like Lenny Kravitz, Blair is aging like a fine wine. He's also knocking on 50 and has a lot going on. Last year it was the revival of A Streetcar Named Desire, and this year it's a new show called Ironside on NBC. Do I need to do a post on older, sexy brothers? If I do, you already know who will top the list.

    Dolvett Quince



    I don't watch The Biggest Loser often, but the last time I did, I noticed they had a new trainer that was chocolate and fine, with pretty teeth (Are you sensing a pattern here?). Good call, Biggest Loser! It takes a lot to motivate me, but handsome trainers certainly help.

    Honorable Mention

    Serge Ibaka

    Serge "Air Congo" Ibaka plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder and is quite sexy as you can see. Singer Keri Hilson peeped his chocolatety African goodness and snatched him off the market. Smart girl! Now if she could only make equally smart decisions about her singing career.
     
    Dark-skinned Oreos


    You can't go wrong with a classic. And like I said earlier, it's my list and I can put whatever I want on here, including cookies.

    So, there you have it, the 2013 All-Inclusive Class of Fine. If you disagree with my choices...uh, OK. If you agree with my choices, maybe we can be friends. Until the next list...

    Stay Random,
    Jay. 

    Saturday, September 28, 2013

    Church Leaders and Reality TV: For the Love of GOD, Just Say No


    So, remember when I wrote this little ditty about the latest hot mess reality show, Preachers of L.A.? Well, despite my best efforts, the show is still happening and I have a sad. Like a big sad. Rahiel Tesfamariam, columnist for The Washington Post, shares my sadness and concern and wrote a great piece about why reality TV and pastors don't mix. I encourage you to read it.  Here's a snippet:

    "Like so many reality TV shows before them, these programs focus on black opulence. Often, they make a mockery of black wealth, portraying affluent African Americans as irresponsible, reckless financial stewards. These stereotypes are magnified by highlighting prosperity ministries versus churches rooted in a social gospel focused on the poor."

    It's all fun and games until people look at these shows and assume that all churches and pastors are like the ones they see on TV. Organized religion already gets the side-eye from a lot of people, and I believe this show, and others like it (the pic on the left is from a new Bravo show called "Thicker Than Water"), will only push people further away from the church. Uh, that's not how it's supposed to work, but don't tell that to church leaders blinded by reality stardom and dollar signs. They aren't listening anyway. See why I have a sad? 

    Stay Random,

    Jay