Currently on several journeys and learning valuable lessons along the way. Here are my musings on faith, friends, culture and random acts of silliness, all designed to help you live your best life (s/o to Oprah)! You've been warned.
I had a pretty crappy Sunday night, so I wasn't expecting much going into Monday when I got a tweet from ForHarriet.com, a website that publishes insightful commentary on the fullness of Black womanhood.
This weekend I'm going to Miami for a mini-vacay. One of my BFFs lives there (free lodging!), so I go pretty often. Miami is one of those places that's great to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there, for a lot of reasons. However, besides the free lodging, it can be a quick and relatively inexpensive trip to my happy place: the beach. I've talked previously about how the beach is one of the only places where I feel at peace and truly relaxed. Whether that's a good, bad or weird thing remains to be seen, but it's the truth. It's so much the truth that with unlimited funds I'd visit as many beaches as possible and rate them according to relaxation level (if that's a thing), all for the benefit of my lovely readers of course :)
So while the beach is my happy place, where's your happy place? If you don't have a happy place, that means you have a sad place, and that's just...sad.
"She's brilliant and she's dedicated, she's tough… She also happens to be, by far, the best looking attorney general."
Sweet baby Jesus, why did he have to say she was good-looking?! Once the comments hit the interwebs, Obama got called a misogynist, sexist and everything in between. Never mind that he complimented her skill and intellect. Nope, by acknowledging her attractiveness Obama is a lecherous misogynist creep. I mean, it's on the Internet, and they can't say anything on the Internet that isn't true. People are already blogging about it (pot meet kettle) and will blog about it even more tomorrow. Cable TV commentators, and probably the ones that I like, will analyze it to death and declare that Obama committed an egregious crime for which there is no pardon.
Seriously people? The president, first lady and Harris are long-time friends. They've done fundraisers for each other on various occasions. She spoke at the DNC last year. Heck, her name has come up as a potential pick for the SCOTUS! See, FRIENDS. He paid his FRIEND a compliment at a fundraiser. We're not talking about street harassment where some loser makes crude and inappropriate comments. And here's the kicker: President Obama is right. I've seen her in person, and she's a pretty woman (she's also very petite in person, but I digress). As Johnathan Capeheart of the Washington Post notes:
"Judging by some of the comments I’ve seen on Twitter you’d swear the
president was guilty of luridly cat-calling a woman he doesn’t know. If I
thought for one moment that’s what was going on, you better believe I’d
hammer him for it. But that’s not the case here. Far from it. So
lighten up, people."
Co-FREAKIN'-sign! I have my issues with Obama (Lord knows I do), but I have to defend him on this one. If you really believe that this president, husband of Michelle, father of Malia and Sasha, raised by a single mother, appointer of women to the highest offices in the land, has an issue with women based on this comment, then you've never met a sexist, misogynist or had to suffer the indignity of sexual harassment (I have and also lost my job because of it. Believe me, it ain't fun). The last time I looked, misogyny is defined as the hatred of women. President Obama hates women? Yeah, I don't believe that and whoever does, needs more people.
Hola! I’ve got something a little different for you today.
Back when I started this blog, I said that in addition to talking out of the
side of my neck, that I would try to introduce you to interesting people doing
cools things. Recently I had the chance to chat with Kathryn Buford, chief visionary officer and lead editress of Live Unchained, an arts organization founded in 2009 that definitely qualifies
as cool and interesting, as well as inspiring. Check out the interview and
learn how you can support them!
What is Live
Unchained?
Live Unchained
is a media and events organization that features works by women artists across
the African Diaspora. The artists come from various backgrounds, including
music, photography, film, TV and from all different parts of the world. We’ve
interviewed over 100 women artists from 15 countries.
Live Unchained has different components. There’s the online
magazine at LiveUnchained.com, and
then there are events, which include art festivals, exhibits, film screenings,
concerts, and now with our Indiegogo campaign, an awards ceremony.
What’s the origin
story of Live Unchained?
I got the idea when I was in undergrad at the University of
Illinois. I was studying sociology and African-American studies and my roommate
was an art major. We were both frustrated with the under-representation and the
misrepresentation of Black women in dominant media outlets and the historical
basis for it. We were originally going to create an anthology satirizing what
we found frustrating about the media representation of Black women. But as we
grew, we decided we wanted to do more than just criticize what we didn’t like
in the media. We wanted to do something that would celebrate what women artists
were doing and honor Black female artists. The vision became more inspirational
rather than critical. So, we changed the focus and Live Unchained was born.
What’s your next big project?
We are preparing to bring London-based, Somali poet Warsan Shire to DC for our first
annual “Terrifying, Strange, and Beautiful” awards ceremony. Shire is known
internationally for captivating poetry that focuses on womanhood, love and
social justice. “Terrifying, Strange and Beautiful” is a line from Shire’s
popular poem, “For
Women Who Are Difficult to Love.”
Shire will perform at the ceremony and be honored for her
work, along with various Live Unchained artists. Leading up to the ceremony
there will be a series of events, including a workshop on healing through
narrative, a panel discussion on cultural activism and a film screening. The
ceremony and the events are set to take place in fall 2014.
How can readers
support your efforts?
The theme of the campaign is “Terrifying, Strange and
Beautiful.” You can go to www.indiegogo.com/liveunchainedto make a contribution and learn why we chose this
as a theme.
We need financial support to make this awards ceremony
happen, but I really want people to understand why we’re doing this. All those
things that give us layers as women, that fire, vulnerability, that complexity,
deserve to be celebrated. And that’s what “Terrifying, Strange and Beautiful,”
is, a celebration.
We’re happy with how people have connected with what we’re
doing. I think when people can connect with why we’re doing this, it makes it
that much easier to spread the word and get other people involved.
In terms of giving, we have different rewards for different
contribution levels. We’re also asking people to be creative in what they
contribute and spread the word when they do it.We’re also open to partnering with organizations to help cover some of
the costs.
Why is it so
important to celebrate women in the arts across the African Diaspora?
We attract artists who are truly committed to community and
sisterhood. It’s really important that we have a platform where we honor ourselves
and support each other creatively, professionally and personally. There aren’t
that many media platforms that are doing this. Too often dominant
representations of Black women in the media don’t reflect the diversity of our
perspective, experiences, nations we come from and even languages we speak.
These women artists that we pull together represent that diversity. As an
undergraduate student who was frustrated, this is something that I would have
wanted and would have helped me, a platform that I could go to hear women speak
their truth.
It’s also important because there so many artists that are
making some of the best art out there, but they’re not getting their props. So,
that’s what we want to do as well.
How important is
social media to your mission?
It’s essential. I don’t know if this organization would have
worked if we weren’t online because that’s how we connected with so many
artists. It’s allowed us to connect, build community and extend our brand.
What does it mean to
live life unchained?
The definition grows, but I can give you two ways to define
it:
It means putting the love for myself, my community and my
creative life first without needing or expecting anyone else’s approval,
applause or understanding.
Living unchained is also about allowing things to evolve
naturally without feeling the need to control the outcome.
I was always fascinated by the idea of confession in the Catholic church when I was a kid. The idea of unburdening myself of all the bad things I said and did to someone who was required to keep my confidence, without getting in trouble with my parents, just made so much sense in my young, impressionable mind.
As I got older, with my Baptist self, I obviously began to see the Catholic version of confession differently (and apparently so do many Catholics). While I don't feel the need to confess my sins to a priest, pastor or any other religious leader, there is something freeing about being honest with yourself and confessing your mess.
I realized that I needed to make a confession when I did something that was totally selfish and inappropriate to a friend. Why was I being a jerk? Because I have issues. It shouldn't have happened, but it made me realize that I had some explaining to do.
So, that's what I did, not to justify my jerkiness, but to help my friend fill in the gaps and make sense of my senseless behavior. I took a deep brief and just started typing, typing things that only a few people know, that I don't like saying out loud, and that I try to forget. The email ended up being the equivalent of three pages and took forever to write (I almost missed Smash!). Once I finished the email, I sat on it for a day, for a reason, and still hesitated before hitting the Send button the following morning. It's scary to reveal your mess, because when you do, you're opening yourself up for judgment and criticism. Will it bring a person closer, or will it make them go screaming for the hills? Well, I took the plunge because they say confession is good for the soul, and my soul was in bad place.
The reaction, thankfully, wasn't negative. However, even before I talked to my friend about my epic email, I felt better after it entered the interwebs. I finally got some icky stuff out and off of me. It also made me clearly see the path I was headed down if I didn't change course. It was humbling, helpful, and cathartic.
Confessing my mess forced me to be honest myself and my friend. Self-honesty (that's a thing, right?) hasn't always been my strong suit, but if I want to be better, I've got to stop doing the same thing repeatedly and hoping for a different result (i.e., the definition of insanity, and not the Shaun T. kind). As Jennifer Hudson would sing, Look at me. I am changing :)
This blog is supposed to be about lessons, right? Well, an extremely important lesson is finally starting to sink in: I need help.
Here's another little gem for free: You need help as well. What kind of help? It depends on the person and the situation. Help can be financial aid and/or emotional support from family and friends, God, prayer, therapy, medication, etc. No matter what it is, you're eventually going to find yourself dealing with a situation that you just can't handle, and none of us can handle everything by ourselves. It's freakin' impossible, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.
I finalized that I needed my version of help after many sleepless nights, headaches, anger and tears over situations that seem to be coming to a head at the same time: deteriorating friendships, both deep and not as deep they seemed; a shattered familial relationship that could be beyond repair; an uncertain living situation; financial decisions with no easy solutions and financial commitments that require sacrifices that are difficult to accept; and dreams being dashed through no fault of my own. I described it to a friend this way: I'm standing in a field and multiple trains are barreling toward me and I've got nowhere to go and I'm going to get crushed.
I tried to find solutions and control the outcomes in a fruitless effort to "stop the trains" before I realized that trying to handle these situations by myself wasn't going to work. The "trains" are coming, but it's how I handle the impact versus the impact itself that's going to determine whether I'm crushed or badly injured with the ability to heal and move forward.
So, I finally admitted that I need help, and I'm doing it without shame or apology. I don't want to be crushed. I want to survive and figure out this mess so I can move forward, live life and experience the good without being crippled by the bad.
The moral of this story? We're not superheroes, and that's OK. Needing help isn't a sign of weakness or failure, but rather it shows that you're strong enough to put ego, pride and fear aside to get to a better place.
Stay random,
Jay
P.S. I started writing this blog one year ago this month, so that's kind of cool. Yay me!
So the 57th Presidential Inauguration is in the books, and I don't know about you, but I had an exhausting, but fun time.
I did the inauguration thing in 2009, and 2013 was a totally different experience. This was me on the National Mall in 2009 freezing to witness history.
I'm glad I did it, but I was beyond tired after it was all said and done. Consequently, I just wasn't feeling the idea of a complete do over. So, I opted for the couch version of witnessing history instead.
Capital Cause crowd
Me and @SassyandSocial
Lovely ladies kicking off Inauguration 2013
Now the evenings on the other hand, were a different story. This time around I decided to go out more as opposed to what I did for '09, which really focused on witnessing the swearing-in live and in person. I started my Inauguration II: Electric Boogaloo weekend on Saturday with the Yes We Can Mixer sponsored by CapitalCause and the National Urban League Young Professionals. The crowd was a little on the young side (or maybe I'm just a little on the old side), but it was good to hang out with friends and support two great organizations.
On Sunday, instead of attending one of the numerous balls that night, I
opted for To Sir with Love: A DC Creatives Inauguration Salon, and I'm
glad I did. This was a unique event that had a 60s mod glam theme in honor of the Sidney Poitier movie. The event featured live progressive soul music,
food and DJs who tore up the script when it comes to your typical DJ
playlist.
Glamour Girls
I love music!
@MsAliTee, one of event hosts
Ne'a Posey
The finale to this hard-partying weekend (at least for me...I'm no spring chicken after all), was...wait for it...THIS
Cinderella goes to the ball!
Getting a ticket to an official Inaugural Balls was a goal for me, and the fact that I was able to do it was HUGE, at least in my mind. There were a million balls going on throughout the weekend, some of which were extremely star-studded, including the Hip-Hop Inaugural Ball, The BET Ball, etc. I could have bought tickets to one of these balls, but the President and the First Lady weren't going to be there, and those were the only people I really wanted to see. Hey, I'm just being honest.
I unsuccessfully tried to buy tickets during that big Ticketmaster fiasco, so for a few days my hopes of attending the Inaugural Ball were completely dashed. However, God must have really wanted me to go because I got a second opportunity to buy ticket a few days later through another source. With ticket in mind, I was off to the Ball!
Getting to the ball required standing out in the cold for extended periods of time, long lines, running (don't ask), losing and then finding my friend (thanks for coming with me M.A.!), and security checks. Gee, what does that sound like? Answer: Inauguration 2009. Oh the irony. Anywho, all this effort resulted in a spot right by the stage and an awesome time.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. and Mrs. 44 :)
I still can't over the fact that President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama were right there IN MY FACE!!! Or, was I all up in their collective face? Whatever, if nothing else I accomplished my mission :)
Bonus! Here's some video I snatched from YouTube :)
Oh, and did I mention that Stevie Wonder performed at this little shindig?
Other performers included Alicia Keys, who performed an
interesting remix called "Obama's on Fire," (I'm not a Keys fan, but
I was in a good mood and sang along) the group Fun (who were surprisingly good,
at least in my opinion), a Latino rock group called Manah (sp?) and Country
singer Brad Paisley.
The Bidens also got their time to shine when they were serenaded by Jamie Foxx. I didn't get pictures because I had left my spot by the stage at that point (got sick for some reason and had to get away from the crowd...don't ask), but here's the adorable video courtesy of the Associated Press.
So, that was my Inauguration 2013 experience, and it was a good one. It was truly a blessing to witness and celebrate history, and have it all up in my face :)
Now when we get a Black female president, it's really going to be on :)
This weekend I'm going to Miami for a mini-vacay. One of my BFFs lives there (free lodging!), so I go pretty often. Miami is one of those places that's great to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there, for a lot of reasons. However, besides the free lodging, it can be a quick and relatively inexpensive trip to my happy place: the beach. I've talked previously about how the beach is one of the only places where I feel at peace and truly relaxed. Whether that's a good, bad or weird thing remains to be seen, but it's the truth. It's so much the truth that with unlimited funds I'd visit as many beaches as possible and rate them according to relaxation level (if that's a thing), all for the benefit of my lovely readers of course :)
If you were on Twitter this afternoon, especially if you saw Washington, DC trending topics, you would have noticed the name "Kamala Harris" near the top of the list. Harris is the attorney general of California, a political rising star and a history maker. She's also very attractive and apparently President Obama mentioned that today during a fundraiser in Cali:
Seriously people? The president, first lady and Harris are long-time friends. They've done fundraisers for each other on various occasions. She spoke at the DNC last year. Heck, her name has come up as a potential pick for the SCOTUS! See, FRIENDS. He paid his FRIEND a compliment at a fundraiser. We're not talking about street harassment where some loser makes crude and inappropriate comments. And here's the kicker: President Obama is right. I've seen her in person, and she's a pretty woman (she's also very petite in person, but I digress). As Johnathan Capeheart of the Washington Post notes:
Hola! I’ve got something a little different for you today.
Back when I started this blog, I said that in addition to talking out of the
side of my neck, that I would try to introduce you to interesting people doing
cools things. Recently I had the chance to chat with Kathryn Buford, chief visionary officer and lead editress of Live Unchained, an arts organization founded in 2009 that definitely qualifies
as cool and interesting, as well as inspiring. Check out the interview and
learn how you can support them! 
What is Live
Unchained?
I was always fascinated by the idea of confession in the Catholic church when I was a kid. The idea of unburdening myself of all the bad things I said and did to someone who was required to keep my confidence, without getting in trouble with my parents, just made so much sense in my young, impressionable mind. 
I realized that I needed to make a confession when I did something that was totally selfish and inappropriate to a friend. Why was I being a jerk? Because I have issues. It shouldn't have happened, but it made me realize that I had some explaining to do. 
