Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Random Deep Thoughts

Randomness: I originally tried to write this on my laptop at the MLK Library, but their Internet connection SUUUUCCCKKKSSSS (just in case you wanted my opinion about their Wi-Fi capabilities).


I’m about to get deep on ya, so gird your loins.

Let’s start with a couple of questions: What makes you happy? What’s your passion?

These questions drive me crazy and make me stabby, not because they’re bad questions, but because I can’t answer them.  How ‘bout you?

As for me, I honestly don’t know what makes me happy happy joy joy or what I want to be when I grow up. You’ll probably saying, “Quit whining and go figure it out!” Well, it ain’t that dang simple.

When it comes to the happiness question, the process of figuring that out gets more daunting the older I get because I don’t know where to start.  Also, in my mind at least, “What makes you happy?” isn’t a simple question. How do you figure out something that abstract? Yes, I think happiness is abstract. I honestly don’t know what happiness means for me. If I like something or get excited when I see or do something, does that mean that thing, event, etc., make me happy?  For example, I like eating Pintango’s cinnamon gelato and drinking a good mojito (not necessarily together) when I can get it.  I love watching the Olympics (winter and summer!) and got ├╝ber excited when I saw the London 2012 commercials recently. These things put a smile on my face. Smiling usually indicates happiness. However, how does knowing that I like overpriced ice cream, sugary alcoholic beverages and the parade of nations help me become a more content and joyful person?

I also know that I really like the beach. Growing up in Memphis, my only experience with water that wasn’t coming out of the faucet was being annoyed by the nastiness of the Mississippi River. When I finally visited Florida while in college, I fell in love. I would visit a beach every month if I could. I can’t swim and look horrible in a bathing suit, but I could stay at a beach all day (or most of the day) and be…happy. It’s honestly the only place where I feel calm, content and at total peace. However, there’s got to be more to happiness then just knowing that I like something, right? Just liking something feels so passive, but as far as something I do actively, I can’t name a thing right now that brings me “happiness.”

Now that we’ve confirmed that getting to happy isn’t the easiest thing to do, let’s talk about passion. Yeah, I haven’t figured this out either.  Part of the problem, when it comes to happiness and passion, is that my confidence levels have never been very high, so I abandoned things that I did poorly or scared myself out of trying things that piqued my interest. Consequently, I don’t have a clear idea of what I’m good or at and/or what I’d do for free because I love it so much, a.k.a. the definition of passion.

The other problem with passion is that it doesn’t always pay the bills. If I’m totally honest, there’s something that I’d like to try, but I’m not in a position to explore it and it doesn’t always pay well, or at all. That’s a huge problem when you’re in between jobs and your financial situation is uh, challenging.  I have to focus on finding a full-time job with a decent salary and benefits. God willing, I’ll find a job and be able to explore the potential passion on the side. Passion is great, when you know what it is and have the luxury to pursue it. Everyone isn’t that fortunate.

So, what do you know after reading all this? I like beaches, gelato, liquor and the Olympics, and there’s a thing that I kinda wanna do, but I need to find a job that I probably won’t be passionate about in order to pursue it. Sound right? Cool….or not, depending on how you look at it.  

These are my starting points, but where do I go from here?  All suggestions are welcome. I’ll let you know if I have any epiphanies anytime soon.

Stay random my friends,


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