Currently on several journeys and learning valuable lessons along the way. Here are my musings on faith, friends, culture and random acts of silliness, all designed to help you live your best life (s/o to Oprah)! You've been warned.
If you're on the East Coast, you know that ish is really real right now. Cities are shut down, flooded, busted and disgusted, and the weather can't be trusted. Grocery shelves are empty, and folks are hunkered down waiting for the full fury of Hurricane Sandy. BUTTT, that's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that I don't think I'm wasting my time effectively. No, that's not a typo.
This weekend, I bought extra groceries, washed clothes and cooked pork chops so that I'd have clean draws and pork chop sandwiches when the power goes out (I ate the pork chops, so no power outage sammiches for me).
I fortunately didn't have to work today, but now I'm not sure what to do since the worse of Hurricane Sandy's won't hit DC until later tonight. My cabin fever is in full effect, and I need help. Here's where I stand:
Television: Tried watching network TV, but the political ads are nauseating, and I refuse to engage in the negativity. I'm now reduced to HGTV reruns and First Take on ESPN. Yeah, I could watch a movie On Demand, but my frugality is trumping my boredom. I've got a trip to Europe to save for (more on that later).
Drinking: I broke out the red wine too early. Drinking before noon is overrated and leaves you with less wine.
Eating: I've cooked and eaten way too much non-Weight Watchers-approved food under the guise of "I can't be wasting food!" in case the power goes out for an extended period of time.
Social media: I'm a slight addict, but I can't do it today. Twitter and FB are too gloom and doom for me right now. Let social media tell it, we're all going to be eaten by Frankenstorm and I just don't need all that right now.
Reading: Reading online has already made my eyes tired, and I'm indecisive about what book I should pick up. Yes, these are lame excuses, but they're my excuses and I choose to embrace them :)
Blogging: Uh, I think I got this covered.
So, how are you co-existing with Sandy? I could use your suggestions, Easter Coasters. After all, we're going to be in the same boat for a while.
Also, stay safe, stay inside and follow the guidance of local authorities.
I've been thinking a lot about motivation lately. Where is it? Is there a motivation GPS for sale? If not, somebody needs to get on that, because we'd all be better, more productive people if we could just find the motivation needed to change our self-defeating behaviors.
Speaking as someone who has a lot of ish that needs to be changed, my motivation for changing isn't always rooted in life experiences or just a desire to better a person. Sometimes I do something that's embarrassing or humiliating, and that's plenty motivation to NOT have a repeat performance. That's probably not the best reason to "do betta," but it works and you can't argue with success.
Take President Obama for example (yeah, let's just start at the VERY TOP, shall we?). As you we all know, the first presidential debate with Money Makin' Mitt was a failure of epic proportions. POTUS turned in an embarrassing debate performance that shifted the polls and gave Romney momentum in the final weeks leading up to the election, all in one friggin' night. Uh, ungood.
Fast forward to the second debate on Oct. 16, and POTUS brought is "A" game. He gave Mittens a drubbing that talked the Democrat base off the cliff and contained the damage done in the first debate, again in one freakin' night (debates are funny that way). The downside/upside of all this: Tonight is the last debate.
While winning the election seems like the obvious motivator here, you can't deny the embarrassment factor in the POTUS' debate turnaround. I'm sure that the president had a lot of thoughts running through his head when watching the first debate replay, such as:
Man, I should have actually taken this debate seriously. Too much is at stake.
I'm better than this.
Well, that was a HOTTTT mess.
God, I wanna punch Romney in his smug face.
I kid about the last one (well, not really), but you see my point. Being embarrassed forces you to assess your behavior, and used correctly, can serve as a catalyst for positive change. Here's why:
1. Embarrassment bursts your bubble
Being embarrassed has a way of pricking your protective bubble and forcing you to rejoin the real world. You can't do better until you pull your head out of the sand and confront your issues.
2. Embarrassment forces you to be honest with yourself
OK, now that you've shaken off the sand, get serious and ask the hard questions: Why did this embarrassing thing happen? Was it something beyond your control? Or, did you take a situation/person for granted and not get the response and/or behavior you expected? At this point it's easy to cast blame on everyone but yourself, but it's a losing battle. You know the truth. Accept it, take responsibility and make a plan for change.
3. Embarrassment awakens your determined nature and competitive spirit
You were embarrassed doing something that you know that you can do, but you didn't live up to your own standards. It's not for lack of knowledge, skill or ability, but you "bring it" for whatever reason. You're better than this and you're going to prove it, to yourself. Success leads to confidence and confidence leads to success (at least I think so).
All of this is of course easier said than done because embarrassment just doesn't feel good when it happens. It stings, burns, itches...you get my point. However, once you get past the initial pain, man up; see it for the blessing in disguise that it is; and turn that damaging negative into a triumphant positive.
Was this post random enough for ya? Yeah, I thought so.
Headed to MIA this weekend. Hallelujah! I'm sorry, DC is cool and all, but sometimes a girl needs a break! My girl lives there so we're going to do old lady stuff like eat and lay on the beach, and be glad about it ALL.
When I get back the blog is going to be revamped for your reading pleasure. Basically, I want to use my crazy to help you, if that makes sense, which I hope it does. Either way, it's going to be fabulous, trust me.
I love the Olympics, lord knows I do. I've mostly enjoyed the games, but as the XXX Olympiad closes, I've got a confession to make: I've been having a hard time with the 2012 edition. I'm even experiencing Olympic fatigue. Yes, that's a thing. For the first time that I can remember, watching the Olympics has felt more like a job than a diversion. Why you may ask? Because I'm one of those weirdos that doesn't want to know the results before I watch an event and technology has made this dang near impossible. Between the Internet, twitter and the insensitive co-workers who spill the beans, I deserve a gold medal for the effort I've exerted trying to avoid event spoilers. This write-up from The Washington Post pretty much sums up my feelings.
"...I thought it would be easy. I’d just unplug. Ignore the Twitter feed. Stay off Facebook. Scroll past the headlines. #Spoileralert, #savethesurprise
— all worthy sentiments, but I’ve learned over the past three days that
they don’t save you from co-workers, spouses and talking heads telling
you exactly what you don’t want to know.
As reporter Tom Jackman noted in the Post’s Olympic Live Blog Sunday night:
“In the all-electronic world of today, it was impossible not to know
that very big stuff happened in women’s gymnastics and one of the men’s
swimming relays — it just floats through the air into your brain.”
Indeed. Olympics XXX: The year suspense junkies learned to surrender and enjoy the show when they already knew the ending."
Obviously I co-sign on all of this except the last part: How can I enjoy the show when I already know the ending? Where's the fun and excitement in that? No, Washington Post writer, I don't want to surrender! That's not what watching sporting events is all about. Seriously, as wonderful as technology is, the London 2012 Olympics have made me nostalgic for the days when you had no choice but to wait for the tape delay coverage. Even though I was around in 1984 (I was 9), my memories of the Olympics start with the 1988 games in Seoul. Back in those days, we all (Americans, that is) found out the results and cheered together. Now I'm just supposed to be happy with knowing the outcome beforehand and still FULLY enjoy the experience. Dude, that so doesn't work with Track & Field, gymnastics, swimming...heck, the WHOLE DANG OLYMPICS!
OK, I'm being melodramatic, but it's truly the end of an era. Yes, I've managed to watch a few events online, but that hasn't always worked out. Unless you live in the same time zone as the host country, you're basically screwed, if you care as much as I do. If you don't, you're a better person than me.
I still love you, Olympics. But as the song says, everything must change, nothing stays the same. Oh well, let me get my watch strategy together for Rio 2016. Holla!
So there's a small business that I visit quite frequently in an adjacent neighborhood. I read about it in the local free newspaper and decided to make an effort to visit it because it was Black-owned.
For me, being able to patronize a local Black-owned business is a big deal because I feel like I hardly ever get a chance to do it. Yeah, I know what the studies and surveys say, but I feel like I don't see a lot of brick and mortar Black-owned store fronts in a city that, until recently, was majority Black. Sure, we have our consulting firms and solo practices, but it's different when you see a Black-owned shop on a busy street selling its product to the masses. Maybe it's just my neighborhood and the surrounding area, but I felt like I saw more Black shops, stores and restaurants in Atlanta. However, that's based on only living there for a little over a year, but I digress.
Anywho, after trying out the store's products (I'm not going to name the store for reasons I'll explain later), I started going back pretty regularly, mostly on Saturdays. It's a cute, but small space and the service is good. Butttttttt, something started bothering me about this place a few weeks ago and the feeling hasn't gone away because the situation hasn't changed: Besides the owners, who I see every once and a while, I NEVER see any Black people working behind the counter at this Black-owned business.
Now, I don't know for a fact if the Black owners aren't employing Black people. I truly don't want to jump to unfair conclusions, and that's why I don't want to name the place. After all, I usually only visit this place on early Saturday afternoons when I'm running errands. If they have Black employees, maybe they don't work there when I visit. Maybe they work during the week or the evenings. However, even as I type that, I'm finding it hard to believe, and I'm wondering if my support is misplaced, not in terms of product quality, but principle.
Maybe the owners just hired friends or friend of friends when they opened their shop. Obviously, that's their right, but it's suspect. If the employees are friends/associates of the owners, then we're possibly dealing with Black people with no Black friends, and that's a side-eye worthy situation if ever there was one. However, if the employees I see simply came in and filled out application then it's still an issue. Now, you can't just hire anybody. The people you hire must be qualified and professional. However, you can't tell me that there aren't any qualified, professional Black folks out there looking for work who aren't perfectly capable of selling their products.
Black people are often strongly encouraged to buy Black-owned as a way to keep wealth in our community, but many of us don't do it for variety of reasons. That's how we end up with people who who don't look like us owning everything in our neighborhoods and then going back their houses in the 'burbs to enjoy the fruits of their labor at our expense, often with no contribution to the communities that freely gave them the means to create a comfortable lifestyle. Call me crazy, but I actually buy into the idea that if we generate and keep wealth in our communities, we can improve our communities, increase our political clout and economically empower future generations.
That's why I struggle with whether I should keep supporting this place. I guess in my mind Black-owned and Black-operated go hand in hand, but now I see that this isn't necessarily the case and it bothers me. I mean, why am I going to support you if people that look like you aren't good enough to work for you? Again, I could be completely wrong about this place. There could be a brother or sister working there right now. But, what if I'm not wrong?
What say you dear readers, could you support a Black-owned business that doesn't employ Black people, even if the business produces a good product, has good service and does everything else right? When supporting a Black-owned business, should it matter what the employees look like so long as the owner is Black?
Black people of a certain age know that light-skinned dudes were supposedly "in style" back in the day. Guys like El Debarge, Prince, Christopher Williams, Al B. Sure, etc. dominated the entertainment landscape and the fantasies of women everywhere with their high-yellowness in the 80s and early 90s.
At some point, mid 90s I think, dark-skinned dudes overtook their light-skinned brethren on the attractiveness scale and never really looked back. Michael Jordan probably single handily started the chocolate, bald and sexy movement, and Morris Chesnut's dark chocolate sexiness was ubiquitous for much of the 90s (and a little bit of the 2000s).
Since then there's been this running joke about light-skinned brothers making a comeback. In my mind, and probably the minds of others, this was never going to happen. But, I'm woman enough to admit when I'm wrong. I'm probably late, but I think the comeback is in full effect. Case in point:
Michael Ealy
OK, Michael Ealy has been on the slow and steady come up for a while. Now that Think Like a Man has made him a household name, he's now starring a cutesy cop show on USA called Common Law. Common Law is OK, in my opinion, but USA shows are usually successful and enjoy long runs, so it's nice to see the blue-eyed bandit finally getting the recognition he deserves.
President Obama
Ok, obviously what's most important is that a Black man is president of the United States. It wouldn't matter if he was butterscotch, caramel, milk chocolate or dark chocolate. In this case, Black is Black. But, by being leader of the free world, the POTUS is repping for light-skinned bros whether he realizes it or not.
Yes, I know that Common has been around forever, but since he's broadened his horizons into acting, we get to see his freckled, high-yellowness even more and that's a good thing.
Tyson Chandler
I don't think I have to say anything else. *drops mic*
Now, please don't take this post as a declaration of some ridiculous, problematic "preference" for yella dudes. I like Black men of ALLLLLLLLL shades. Anyone who knows me knows this. But when I notice something I'm gonna speak on it, as unimportant as it may be :)
As far as this "comeback," it's probably not as dramatic as light-skinned brothers would have wanted. I mean, if you ask Black women who's the sexiest of them all, a lot us will probably say Idris Elba. Butttttt, sexy is as sexy does, whatever the shade. UPDATE: This post has a sequel, with more chocolate ;) Check it here.
What's up motherfleckers! (If you watched Suits on the USA network you would totally get that reference). Sooooo...I haven't written in a while and for that I apologize. I don't really have an explanation. "Life got in the way," sounds dishonest, but "I got lazy" doesn't really describe my absence from blogging either. All I can say is that I'm sorry and that I'll try (emphasis on "try") to do better.
Anywho,
In the words of Jill Scott, "everything ain't for everybody." I've been thinking a lot about these words lately, especially when it comes to my job issues and my relationships. It's finally starting to sink that while things and situations don't work out for a variety of reasons, the reason that's hardest to accept is that some things just aren't meant to be.
Example 1: Jobs
As many of you know, I was let got from my job in June 2011. What followed was pure and unadulterated hell for the next 10 1/2 months. I spiraled into another severe depression, ended a relationship with one of my oldest friends, drained my savings, went on that oh-so-terrible government assistance that the Republicans hate so much, became the victim of both car theft (I still don't have a car) and identity theft (3 cards were opened in my name that I knew nothing about), and just basically experienced the most soul-crushing period of my life.
The "fall" came after I was let go from my job of 3years. I took the job reluctantly and never liked it. I always felt awkward, confused, out-of-place, and just unsure of what was expected of me. Despite all this, I stayed in a position that never felt right because I needed a job and just wanted some kind of security after a challenging period living in Atlanta.
Fast forward to 2011 and there are new managers who decide to eliminate my position. Obviously I was devastated at the time and wondering what went wrong. I beat myself up something terrible and decided that it was all my fault and that I was a horrible employee. I literally made myself sick with worry over the prospect of trying to convince another employer to hire me.
When I started my new job in April 2012, I was very paranoid about "screwing up." Do I suck? Am I good at this? Paranoia is no way to start a new job, but that's what I did. It wasn't until my boss told me that I was doing good work during two separate evaluation sessions that I finally began to think that I was going to be OK. And if I was going to be OK, that obviously meant that maybe, just maybe, I was actually....wait for it...GOOD AT MY JOB. If I was good at this job, maybe that also meant that what happened at my last job wasn't an indictment of my skills, knowledge, and abilities. Maybe the new managers didn't know what they were doing, or maybe it was God's way of getting me out of a situation that was never right for me. As Jill would say "everything ain't for everybody," and I'm glad that the "thing" that wasn't for me is no more, despite everything that happened.
Example 2: Relationships
I had a close male friend, but I kinda of ruined it by getting feelings and stuff. Things really got complicated when he got a girlfriend. Despite the girlfriend, we still talked on the phone frequently and remained close.
However, at some point, I FINALLY accepted that my feelings would never be reciprocated, that there would be no romantic comedy ending. Consequently, I ended the friendship. If he wanted me, he would done something. He wouldn't have started dating the next chick, or he wouldn't have stayed in the relationship. If we were meant to be together, we would be, and we are not. Say it with me now, "everything AIN'T for everybody." Hopefully my decision cleared the way for the guy that actually wants me in the flesh rather than just on the phone.
As I mentioned previously, I lost one of my best friends because of my job loss. How you ask? Long story short: I said something really offensive during a particularly low point, and she decided she couldn't deal with me anymore. I didn't attack her personally, but I did attack something that she believed. My other friends could tell that something was truly wrong when I said what I said and stood by me, but she abandoned me. We had a major flare up in our friendship about 7 years ago, but the fact that certain words said in 2011 in a moment of deep and profound despair prompted her to end our friendship, while other friends expressed concern, showed me that our season as friends was truly over. Did I mention that all of this happened around my birthday?
We weren't meant to be BFFs and that was a painful realization. In my humble opinion, out-of-character and regrettable words shouldn't have prompted the end of a 17-year friendship, but that's just me. I think you know where I'm going with this. If we were meant to be friends, we would have gotten past the situation, but we didn't and our lifetime bond just wasn't meant to be.
As much as I would have liked for all of these situations to have worked out, I'm not in control. God has the final say and He said, "Uh, no" when it came to some things in my life that I thought had staying power. I'm not thrilled, but I've reached a point of acceptance and realization that it all will work out for my good.
With that said, I can't mention the lovely Jill Scott without a video embed. Enjoy and stay random. Also, check ya girl out on Instagram at RealJCarol.
