Monday, April 9, 2012

Movin' on up, but still feeling stuck

Have you ever felt like you're making progress, but still stuck? I know that's contradiction, but I'm at a loss on how else to describe my current dilemma/good fortune.

I lost my job and had my car stolen in June 2011. I applied for HUNDREDS (I have documentation to prove it) of jobs and got 10 interviews total, including second interviews and staffing agencies. In early March, God blessed me with a part-time temp opportunity at a local university. In late March, God blessed me again with a permanent, full-time job that will start next week. So, just to review, I was jobless for 8.5 months before my part-time temp assignment and by the time I start my full-time job, it will be 10 months since I've had permanent employment.  Believe me, the recession is not a game and I am grateful God kept me.

Obviously I'm happy to have a job. The last 10 months have taken a physical, emotional and financial toll that I don't wish on anyone. But, as I prepare to re-enter the work world on a full-time basis, I find myself, well, bothered. I had to put a lot of things on hold because of my job loss, and you would think that with a job I would feel confident about hitting "play" instead of "pause." However, when I look around at everything I feel I have to do, I get overwhelmed, annoyed and anxious.

I need to study for the job. I need to finish this book on strategic thinking. I need to throw away TONS of papers, bills, books, magazines, etc., because my apartment is messy and the mess represents my life. On top of that, my confidence is shaky. Expectations are high and what if I screw up? When this perfect storm happens, I tend to shut down, which only makes the situation worse. Also, there are health issues that are always a concern, so much so that I have a doctor's appointment every day this week to address them so that I don't need to go to the doctor when I start my new job.

So, I'm moving forward job-wise, but there's so much going on that it doesn't feel like I'm making progress and that's putting me on edge. Does that make any sense? I hope it makes sense to someone else besides me.

Stay random,

No comments:

Post a Comment