Discomfort Zone: When Dating and Websites Collide

"I wanna try something new," says the handsome brother with the questionable hairline in the Match.com commercial. Sounds reasonable, so why not? Yes, I'm in the process of joining Match.com. I say "process" because I've registered, written a profile, and answered the questions, but I haven't paid any money yet or done the most important thing: upload a profile picture.

Why am I doing this? For one, it's time. I haven't dated in a while, and single people need to date. It's the law...of nature. Secondly, I love my female friends to death, but every once in while you just get sick of looking at women (again, LOVE you guys! Smooches and xoxo!). Sometimes you gotta shake things up and get a different perspective that often times requires a different gender. Lastly, I'm just not that girl who meets guys at parties, lounges, clubs, bars, etc. The few times I have it usually didn't amount to anything, or something awkward happened. No shade to Issa Rae, but I'm the queen of Awkward Black Girls, and it's hard for ABGs out here in these streets.

Also, you can't argue with the success rate, at least among the people that I know. Way too many of my friends and acquaintances have met their husbands on Match.com and are happy as pigs in slop (or something country like that). They have babies and as far as I know, are no closer to divorce that I am with my unmarried self. How can I not try it? While I'm not necessarily looking for a husband at this very moment, I'm open to the possibility that he could be just a profile or email away.

I'd be lying if I said that my age and the marital status of my friends and family members weren't having some type of impact on my decision. My 31-year-old sister got engaged recently and two married friends are pregnant. I knew everyone else would beat me to the altar, and I believe that there's someone out there for everyone. However, I also recognize that waiting for Prince Charming to show up instead of putting myself out there won't get me any free food and long romantic walks in the park. Life is all about finding someone to manage your crazy, and I know that I'm not going to find this manager unless I post a position description.   

So, here I am, ready to embark of this journey called online dating and hopefully have something to show for it. Oh yeah, right after I pay money to meet someone who will hopefully pay for dinner and select a profile picture that will catch the eye of a potential suitor. Oh the shameless self-profession of it all!

Anywho, wish me luck, and let me know if you have any tips for successful online dating in the comments.

Stay Random,

Jay

It is what it is...

4 more years.  Nothing random about it ;)

The Cure for the Common Election

Well, you've been waiting for it and now it's FINALLY here, Election Day! Did you vote? You are going to vote, RIGHT?! People fought and died for the right to vote, so the least we can do is stand in a line. Seriously, if you bring snacks and a charged smartphone you'll be fine.

Anywho, like many of you, this election has stressed me out and driven me to drink...a little (I kid...sort of). At a certain point, I got so sick of all the election chatter that I mastered the art of not looking at the election coverage on CNN.com and going straight for the stories about any and everything else. I also stopped looking at my Twitter feed for a minute because I follow too many news outlets. For a while I actually did a pretty good job of avoiding  tiresome, deceptive ads and headache-inducing polls, pundits, and predictions. Now the campaign emails are another story.

If all this sounds melodramatic, that's fine because I never claimed that I wasn't a bit of a drama queen. I'm not going to lie, this election has me shook. However, stress relief is now in order.

So, what do you do to relieve stress when the future of your country is at stake?

1) Acknowledge that you did everything you could do: You voted, donated, canvassed, phone banked, drove "souls to the polls"...you  did it ALL! However, things could still not turn out the way you want. Accept that and refuse to be discouraged or defeated.

2) Pray: It's fine to have a preference, and God knows I do (literally), but it's also important to pray for a spirit that accepts whatever happens. Basically, give the situation to God. Releasing burdens to God is one of the best stress/pain relievers on the market.

3) Move: Resolve to keep moving forward no matter the outcome. There's still work to do no matter who occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If you're disappointed tonight, there will be a tomorrow.

Whatever happens, it is what it is...

Relax, relate and release. As I minister to you, I minister to MYSELF! Stay random.

--Jay

Monday afternoons with Sandy

If you're on the East Coast, you know that ish is really real right now. Cities are shut down, flooded, busted and disgusted, and the weather can't be trusted. Grocery shelves are empty, and folks are hunkered down waiting for the full fury of Hurricane Sandy. BUTTT, that's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that I don't think I'm wasting my time effectively. No, that's not a typo.

This weekend, I bought extra groceries, washed clothes and cooked pork chops so that I'd have clean draws and pork chop sandwiches when the power goes out (I ate the pork chops, so no power outage sammiches for me).

I fortunately didn't have to work today, but now I'm not sure what to do since the worse of Hurricane Sandy's won't hit DC until later tonight. My cabin fever is in full effect, and I need help. Here's where I stand:

• Television: Tried watching network TV, but the political ads are nauseating, and I refuse to engage in the negativity. I'm now reduced to HGTV reruns and First Take on ESPN. Yeah, I could watch a movie On Demand, but my frugality is trumping my boredom. I've got a trip to Europe to save for (more on that later).

• Drinking: I broke out the red wine too early. Drinking before noon is overrated and leaves you with less wine.

• Eating: I've cooked and eaten way too much non-Weight Watchers-approved food under the guise of "I can't be wasting food!" in case the power goes out for an extended period of time.

• Social media: I'm a slight addict, but I can't do it today. Twitter and FB are too gloom and doom for me right now. Let social media tell it, we're all going to be eaten by Frankenstorm and I just don't need all that right now.

• Reading: Reading online has already made my eyes tired, and I'm indecisive about what book I should pick up. Yes, these are lame excuses, but they're my excuses and I choose to embrace them :)  
• Blogging: Uh, I think I got this covered.

So, how are you co-existing with Sandy? I could use your suggestions, Easter Coasters. After all, we're going to be in the same boat for a while.

Also, stay safe, stay inside and follow the guidance of local authorities.

Yours in Randomness,

Jay

Let me be your motivation: Why having your butt handed to you can be a good thing

I've been thinking a lot about motivation lately. Where is it? Is there a motivation GPS for sale? If not, somebody needs to get on that, because we'd all be better, more productive people if we could just find the motivation needed to change our self-defeating behaviors.

Speaking as someone who has a lot of ish that needs to be changed, my motivation for changing isn't always rooted in life experiences or just a desire to better a person. Sometimes I do something that's embarrassing or humiliating, and that's plenty motivation to NOT have a repeat performance. That's probably not the best reason to "do betta," but it works and you can't argue with success.

Take President Obama for example (yeah, let's just start at the VERY TOP, shall we?). As you we all know, the first presidential debate with Money Makin' Mitt was a failure of epic proportions. POTUS turned in an embarrassing debate performance that shifted the polls and gave Romney momentum in the final weeks leading up to the election, all in one friggin' night.  Uh, ungood.

Fast forward to the second debate on Oct. 16, and POTUS brought is "A" game. He gave Mittens a drubbing that talked the Democrat base off the cliff and contained the damage done in the first debate, again in one freakin' night (debates are funny that way). The downside/upside of all this: Tonight is the last debate.

While winning the election seems like the obvious motivator here, you can't deny the embarrassment factor in the POTUS' debate turnaround. I'm sure that the president had a lot of thoughts running through his head when watching the first debate replay, such as:

• Man, I should have actually taken this debate seriously. Too much is at stake. 
• I'm better than this. 
• Well, that was a HOTTTT mess. 
• God, I wanna punch Romney in his smug face.

I kid about the last one (well, not really), but you see my point.  Being embarrassed forces you to assess your behavior, and used correctly, can serve as a catalyst for positive change. Here's why:

1. Embarrassment bursts your bubble

Being embarrassed has a way of pricking your protective bubble and forcing you to rejoin the real world. You can't do better until you pull your head out of the sand and confront your issues.

2. Embarrassment forces you to be honest with yourself

OK, now that you've shaken off the sand, get serious and ask the hard questions: Why did this embarrassing thing happen? Was it something beyond your control? Or, did you take a situation/person for granted and not get the response and/or behavior you expected? At this point it's easy to cast blame on everyone but yourself, but it's a losing battle. You know the truth. Accept it, take responsibility and make a plan for change.


3. Embarrassment awakens your determined nature and competitive spirit
You were embarrassed doing something that you know that you can do, but you didn't live up to your own standards. It's not for lack of knowledge, skill or ability, but you "bring it" for whatever reason. You're better than this and  you're going to prove it, to yourself. Success leads to confidence and confidence leads to success (at least I think so). 

All of this is of course easier said than done because embarrassment just doesn't feel good when it happens. It stings, burns, itches...you get my point. However, once you get past the initial pain, man up; see it for the blessing in disguise that it is; and turn that damaging negative into a triumphant positive.

Was this post random enough for ya? Yeah, I thought so.

Stay random,
Jay

Miami Spice

Headed to MIA this weekend. Hallelujah! I'm sorry, DC is cool and all, but sometimes a girl needs a break! My girl lives there so we're going to do old lady stuff like eat and lay on the beach, and be glad about it ALL.

When I get back the blog is going to be revamped for your reading pleasure. Basically, I want to use my crazy to help you, if that makes sense, which I hope it does. Either way, it's going to be fabulous, trust me.

Smooches!

Stay random,

Jay

Olympics 2012: Everything Must Change

I love the Olympics, lord knows I do. I've mostly enjoyed the games, but as the XXX Olympiad closes, I've got a confession to make: I've been having a hard time with the 2012 edition. I'm even experiencing Olympic fatigue. Yes, that's a thing. For the first time that I can remember, watching the Olympics has felt more like a job than a diversion. Why you may ask? Because I'm one of those weirdos that doesn't want to know the results before I watch an event and technology has made this dang near impossible. Between the Internet, twitter and the insensitive co-workers who spill the beans, I deserve a gold medal for the effort I've exerted trying to avoid event spoilers. This write-up from The Washington Post pretty much sums up my feelings.

"...I thought it would be easy. I’d just unplug. Ignore the Twitter feed. Stay off Facebook. Scroll past the headlines. #Spoileralert, #savethesurprise — all worthy sentiments, but I’ve learned over the past three days that they don’t save you from co-workers, spouses and talking heads telling you exactly what you don’t want to know.

As reporter Tom Jackman noted in the Post’s Olympic Live Blog Sunday night: “In the all-electronic world of today, it was impossible not to know that very big stuff happened in women’s gymnastics and one of the men’s swimming relays — it just floats through the air into your brain.”

Indeed. Olympics XXX: The year suspense junkies learned to surrender and enjoy the show when they already knew the ending."

Obviously I co-sign on all of this except the last part: How can I enjoy the show when I already know the ending? Where's the fun and excitement in that? No, Washington Post writer, I don't want to surrender! That's not what watching sporting events is all about.  Seriously, as wonderful as technology is, the London 2012 Olympics have made me nostalgic for the days when you had no choice but to wait for the tape delay coverage. Even though I was around in 1984 (I was 9), my memories of the Olympics start with the 1988 games in Seoul. Back in those days, we all (Americans, that is) found out the results and cheered together. Now I'm just supposed to be happy with knowing the outcome beforehand and still FULLY enjoy the experience. Dude, that so doesn't work with Track & Field, gymnastics, swimming...heck, the WHOLE DANG OLYMPICS!

OK, I'm being melodramatic, but it's truly the end of an era. Yes, I've managed to watch a few events online, but that hasn't always worked out. Unless you live in the same time zone as the host country, you're basically screwed, if you care as much as I do. If you don't, you're a better person than me.

I still love you, Olympics. But as the song says, everything must change, nothing stays the same. Oh well, let me get my watch strategy together for Rio 2016. Holla!

Stay random,
Jay