Leadership and courage: 2 ways to stop the mass shooting madness

To be honest, I feel weird writing anything about the senseless tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, but to write about anything else seems frivolous and disrespectful to the victims. So here goes...and this will be more of a rant than anything else.

Twenty-seven people are dead due to the evil actions of a single man. Investigators are close to releasing information as to why a 20-year-old slaughtered innocent children, the adults that tried to protect them, and his mother, but it won't change the fact that Adam Lanza was evil. I'm not sure if evil is explicable or if there are varying degrees of it, but he killed BABIES by shooting them MULTIPLE TIMES. That fact alone makes me discount all the excuses that are being made about his mental state in the news. It also won't change the fact that parents who were planning for Christmas and other celebrations are now planning funerals. This fact alone is beyond comprehension.

Lanza isn't the only culprit. We don't have real gun control in this country because of cowardly, avaricious, self-centered politicians on both sides who allow themselves to bought and pimped by the National Rifle Association (NRA). Basically, lawmakers would rather protect themselves than their constituents. This has to change.

There's also the gun obsession in this country that allows an organization like the NRA to thrive. I'm all about protecting yourself, using guns responsibly for sport, or collecting them if that's your interest. I have uncles and cousins who hunt and have several rifles, and once considered getting a gun myself because I'm a single woman in the big city living in a neighborhood that while gentrified, is still a wee bit sketchy. One of my best girlfriends is a gun owner.  I get it. What I don't get is why people ignore or don't realize there's a middle ground. You can uphold the Second Amendment for law-abiding gun owners and have strong, sensible laws that restrict gun ownership so that guns don't keep ending up in the hands of those that are irresponsible, criminally inclined, mentally ill or just plain evil.

There's also the fact that there are nearly 300 million guns already in circulation in America and that if you put laws in place today, it still won't stop someone else from obtaining guns, legally or illegally, and committing another massacre. Apparently Lanza stole his weapons from the mother that he murdered after being turned down for a gun at a sporting goods store because he didn't want to wait on the background check, a talking point that I'm sure the NRA will use in a despicable fashion.

So, how many of these MASSACRES have to happen before people stop believing the lie that the government is going to take their guns away, and how long will it take for politicians to stop putting their own self-interest ahead of the safety of their constituents before we stop the madness? Do 50 children have to be killed, 100?  How many people have to die while Christmas shopping or watching a movie? How many young Black men have to die in Chicago, New York, and Sanford, Florida? Usually when these things happen, we rightfully cry and protest, but nothing happens. This time has to be different. If not, we only have ourselves to blame for the next massacre, because there will be another one if something doesn't change.

I have very few answers, but I do know we need to force our leaders to actually lead and put gun control back on the table and keep it there until there's a meaningful change in the nation's gun laws, starting  with reinstating the assault weapons ban. We need to put relentless pressure on lawmakers to exhibit some courage and actually stand up to the NRA and the rest of the gun lobby. We as country need to be courageous enough to address the gun problem in this country and resist our tendency to let a vocal, paranoid, and dishonest minority control the debate. Without leadership and courage, we are dooming ourselves to a bloody, violent reality where tragedies like Newtown become the new normal. I think I can safely say that this is no way to live.      

If you want to help the community of Newtown, here's some information:

The United Way of Western Connecticut in partnership with the Newtown Savings Bank has set up a Sandy Hook School Support fund to provide services to families and community members affected by Friday’s school shooting.

Donations by check can be sent to:
Sandy Hook School Support Fund
c/o Newtown Savings Bank
39 Main Street, Newtown CT  06470

Scandal Indeed: Am I Really Rooting for Adultery?

So, like a lot of people I'm a fan of Kerry Washington's SCANDAL on ABC. It's a political soap opera on crack and while not perfect, it's kept me entertained enough to give it a coveted spot on my TV viewing calendar.

As good SCANDAL viewers know, Washington's Olivia Pope is involved in an on-again, off-again affair with President Fitzgerald Grant played by Tony Goldwyn, A.K.A., Fitz, A.K.A. the guy who killed Patrick Swayze in Ghost. During the campaign Pope and the POTUS fell madly in love and can't seem to stay away from each other. During the Dec. 6 episode we saw Pope and Grant have sexy time at Camp David and in the Oval Office on top of President Grant's desk. Um, can we say bold...and HOTTT!

In this same episode you gained a better sense of Olivia and Fitz's devotion and connection to each other, what with the epic "I belong to you speech" and Olivia sniffing Fitz's clothes because that's just how deep their love is. I couldn't help but laugh when the The Root compared their declarations of love to R. Kelly lyrics. 


Washington and Goldwyn have great chemistry, and the girly girl in me wants to see love conquer all. However, while watching this particular episode of SCANDAL, I started to feel some kind of way about Olivia and Fitz and their shenanigans in the name of love. During one scene, Fitz takes Olivia to view the U.S. Constitution. Not his wife, mind you, but Olivia, his mistress, sidepiece, whatever you want to call it. I mean, if that ain't love, I don't know what is. During this visit, Olivia declares that she's all in and fully committed to carrying on a relationship with a married man. Uh, well OK then. 

Yes, Fitz and Olivia have been carrying on for a while now, but this scene got to me because it showed that their affair was a deliberate decision and not something that just happened that they couldn't control.  I know, this is a fictional TV show, but if this were real life, Olivia and Fitz would be called everything but children of God and considered the most trifling, selfish people on the planet. Yet if you were on Twitter the night of this episode, you would know that viewers are rooting for Olivia and Fitz. I mean, Olivia is miserable, and Fitz hates his wife because he can't be with Olivia. If they could just be together, rainbows, puppies, kittens, and glitter would erupt from the sky and the world would be a much better place, right? The fact that they made a conscious decision to engage in an adulterous affair for God knows how long? Chile, why you gotta bring up old ish?

If nothing else, we know two things: 1) The media influences perceptions, even among reasonable intelligent adults, and 2) nobody with morals cheers for adultery in real life. But, if we're rooting for adultery on our favorite television shows, what does that say about us?

Anywho, these are just my random thoughts. If you need another perspective on Olivia and Fitz's problematic love story, check out DistrictDiva's take.

Stay random,
Jay 

Discomfort Zone: When Dating and Websites Collide

"I wanna try something new," says the handsome brother with the questionable hairline in the Match.com commercial. Sounds reasonable, so why not? Yes, I'm in the process of joining Match.com. I say "process" because I've registered, written a profile, and answered the questions, but I haven't paid any money yet or done the most important thing: upload a profile picture.

Why am I doing this? For one, it's time. I haven't dated in a while, and single people need to date. It's the law...of nature. Secondly, I love my female friends to death, but every once in while you just get sick of looking at women (again, LOVE you guys! Smooches and xoxo!). Sometimes you gotta shake things up and get a different perspective that often times requires a different gender. Lastly, I'm just not that girl who meets guys at parties, lounges, clubs, bars, etc. The few times I have it usually didn't amount to anything, or something awkward happened. No shade to Issa Rae, but I'm the queen of Awkward Black Girls, and it's hard for ABGs out here in these streets.

Also, you can't argue with the success rate, at least among the people that I know. Way too many of my friends and acquaintances have met their husbands on Match.com and are happy as pigs in slop (or something country like that). They have babies and as far as I know, are no closer to divorce that I am with my unmarried self. How can I not try it? While I'm not necessarily looking for a husband at this very moment, I'm open to the possibility that he could be just a profile or email away.

I'd be lying if I said that my age and the marital status of my friends and family members weren't having some type of impact on my decision. My 31-year-old sister got engaged recently and two married friends are pregnant. I knew everyone else would beat me to the altar, and I believe that there's someone out there for everyone. However, I also recognize that waiting for Prince Charming to show up instead of putting myself out there won't get me any free food and long romantic walks in the park. Life is all about finding someone to manage your crazy, and I know that I'm not going to find this manager unless I post a position description.   

So, here I am, ready to embark of this journey called online dating and hopefully have something to show for it. Oh yeah, right after I pay money to meet someone who will hopefully pay for dinner and select a profile picture that will catch the eye of a potential suitor. Oh the shameless self-profession of it all!

Anywho, wish me luck, and let me know if you have any tips for successful online dating in the comments.

Stay Random,

Jay

It is what it is...

4 more years.  Nothing random about it ;)

The Cure for the Common Election

Well, you've been waiting for it and now it's FINALLY here, Election Day! Did you vote? You are going to vote, RIGHT?! People fought and died for the right to vote, so the least we can do is stand in a line. Seriously, if you bring snacks and a charged smartphone you'll be fine.

Anywho, like many of you, this election has stressed me out and driven me to drink...a little (I kid...sort of). At a certain point, I got so sick of all the election chatter that I mastered the art of not looking at the election coverage on CNN.com and going straight for the stories about any and everything else. I also stopped looking at my Twitter feed for a minute because I follow too many news outlets. For a while I actually did a pretty good job of avoiding  tiresome, deceptive ads and headache-inducing polls, pundits, and predictions. Now the campaign emails are another story.

If all this sounds melodramatic, that's fine because I never claimed that I wasn't a bit of a drama queen. I'm not going to lie, this election has me shook. However, stress relief is now in order.

So, what do you do to relieve stress when the future of your country is at stake?

1) Acknowledge that you did everything you could do: You voted, donated, canvassed, phone banked, drove "souls to the polls"...you  did it ALL! However, things could still not turn out the way you want. Accept that and refuse to be discouraged or defeated.

2) Pray: It's fine to have a preference, and God knows I do (literally), but it's also important to pray for a spirit that accepts whatever happens. Basically, give the situation to God. Releasing burdens to God is one of the best stress/pain relievers on the market.

3) Move: Resolve to keep moving forward no matter the outcome. There's still work to do no matter who occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If you're disappointed tonight, there will be a tomorrow.

Whatever happens, it is what it is...

Relax, relate and release. As I minister to you, I minister to MYSELF! Stay random.

--Jay

Monday afternoons with Sandy

If you're on the East Coast, you know that ish is really real right now. Cities are shut down, flooded, busted and disgusted, and the weather can't be trusted. Grocery shelves are empty, and folks are hunkered down waiting for the full fury of Hurricane Sandy. BUTTT, that's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is that I don't think I'm wasting my time effectively. No, that's not a typo.

This weekend, I bought extra groceries, washed clothes and cooked pork chops so that I'd have clean draws and pork chop sandwiches when the power goes out (I ate the pork chops, so no power outage sammiches for me).

I fortunately didn't have to work today, but now I'm not sure what to do since the worse of Hurricane Sandy's won't hit DC until later tonight. My cabin fever is in full effect, and I need help. Here's where I stand:

• Television: Tried watching network TV, but the political ads are nauseating, and I refuse to engage in the negativity. I'm now reduced to HGTV reruns and First Take on ESPN. Yeah, I could watch a movie On Demand, but my frugality is trumping my boredom. I've got a trip to Europe to save for (more on that later).

• Drinking: I broke out the red wine too early. Drinking before noon is overrated and leaves you with less wine.

• Eating: I've cooked and eaten way too much non-Weight Watchers-approved food under the guise of "I can't be wasting food!" in case the power goes out for an extended period of time.

• Social media: I'm a slight addict, but I can't do it today. Twitter and FB are too gloom and doom for me right now. Let social media tell it, we're all going to be eaten by Frankenstorm and I just don't need all that right now.

• Reading: Reading online has already made my eyes tired, and I'm indecisive about what book I should pick up. Yes, these are lame excuses, but they're my excuses and I choose to embrace them :)  
• Blogging: Uh, I think I got this covered.

So, how are you co-existing with Sandy? I could use your suggestions, Easter Coasters. After all, we're going to be in the same boat for a while.

Also, stay safe, stay inside and follow the guidance of local authorities.

Yours in Randomness,

Jay

Let me be your motivation: Why having your butt handed to you can be a good thing

I've been thinking a lot about motivation lately. Where is it? Is there a motivation GPS for sale? If not, somebody needs to get on that, because we'd all be better, more productive people if we could just find the motivation needed to change our self-defeating behaviors.

Speaking as someone who has a lot of ish that needs to be changed, my motivation for changing isn't always rooted in life experiences or just a desire to better a person. Sometimes I do something that's embarrassing or humiliating, and that's plenty motivation to NOT have a repeat performance. That's probably not the best reason to "do betta," but it works and you can't argue with success.

Take President Obama for example (yeah, let's just start at the VERY TOP, shall we?). As you we all know, the first presidential debate with Money Makin' Mitt was a failure of epic proportions. POTUS turned in an embarrassing debate performance that shifted the polls and gave Romney momentum in the final weeks leading up to the election, all in one friggin' night.  Uh, ungood.

Fast forward to the second debate on Oct. 16, and POTUS brought is "A" game. He gave Mittens a drubbing that talked the Democrat base off the cliff and contained the damage done in the first debate, again in one freakin' night (debates are funny that way). The downside/upside of all this: Tonight is the last debate.

While winning the election seems like the obvious motivator here, you can't deny the embarrassment factor in the POTUS' debate turnaround. I'm sure that the president had a lot of thoughts running through his head when watching the first debate replay, such as:

• Man, I should have actually taken this debate seriously. Too much is at stake. 
• I'm better than this. 
• Well, that was a HOTTTT mess. 
• God, I wanna punch Romney in his smug face.

I kid about the last one (well, not really), but you see my point.  Being embarrassed forces you to assess your behavior, and used correctly, can serve as a catalyst for positive change. Here's why:

1. Embarrassment bursts your bubble

Being embarrassed has a way of pricking your protective bubble and forcing you to rejoin the real world. You can't do better until you pull your head out of the sand and confront your issues.

2. Embarrassment forces you to be honest with yourself

OK, now that you've shaken off the sand, get serious and ask the hard questions: Why did this embarrassing thing happen? Was it something beyond your control? Or, did you take a situation/person for granted and not get the response and/or behavior you expected? At this point it's easy to cast blame on everyone but yourself, but it's a losing battle. You know the truth. Accept it, take responsibility and make a plan for change.


3. Embarrassment awakens your determined nature and competitive spirit
You were embarrassed doing something that you know that you can do, but you didn't live up to your own standards. It's not for lack of knowledge, skill or ability, but you "bring it" for whatever reason. You're better than this and  you're going to prove it, to yourself. Success leads to confidence and confidence leads to success (at least I think so). 

All of this is of course easier said than done because embarrassment just doesn't feel good when it happens. It stings, burns, itches...you get my point. However, once you get past the initial pain, man up; see it for the blessing in disguise that it is; and turn that damaging negative into a triumphant positive.

Was this post random enough for ya? Yeah, I thought so.

Stay random,
Jay