Currently on several journeys and learning valuable lessons along the way. Here are my musings on faith, friends, culture and random acts of silliness, all designed to help you live your best life (s/o to Oprah)! You've been warned.
I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions because resolutions are made to be broken and are usually done so very quickly. To-do lists on the other hand, are a different story. Lawd knows I believe in to-do lists. I use them at work, at home...if you hand me a paper and pen, a to-do list will soon follow. So, here's my to-do list for 2013:
1) Appreciate the people who appreciate me, and be a better friend to those who put up with my special brand of crazy
2) Laugh more and smile often
3) Lower expectations of anyone working in customer service and as a result, my blood pressure
4) Start preparing now for those moves (career and otherwise) that I plan to make in 2015
5) Give my soulmate a chance to actually find me
6) Start the international travel journey that I should have started a long time ago
7) Master the art of forgiveness
Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be the most stressful. Sure, there are family members and friends to see and fattening food (mac and cheese!) to eat, but in addition to presents, sometimes there's drama lurking underneath the tree that calls for heavily spiked eggnog.
So, how do you survive holiday shenanigans and relatives who irk your nerves so much that your left eye starts to twitch? Here's a few tips:
1) Pray:
If you have a family to visit during Christmas that's a great thing, so thank God for that. But, sometimes things get heavy, so pray for peace, patience and understanding on both sides. Given that Jesus is supposed to be the reason for the season, prayer seems appropriate, don't ya think? 2) Establish some boundaries:
If you have the type of family that likes to use the holidays to talk about stuff that you don't want discuss, then man up and let folks know it's not going down like that this year. Even better, GENTLY let folks know that you don't want to talk about that thing when you get home, and that you WON'T talk about that thing while you're trying to enjoy the Christmas holiday. Now, wasn't that easy? On the other hand....
3) You can't make grown people do anything:
Let's face it, even when you ask people nicely not to do something (like bring up ish that you don't want to discuss), sometimes they're going to do it anyway. There's nothing you can do about this, so when this happens, let them talk. You don't have to engage in a conversation about it. If you do engage, and given the fact that you didn't want to talk about it in the first place, things are likely to go left very quickly. So, let them talk, nod your head, say "OK," remind them of the original boundary, and keep moving.
4) Change the way you respond
So let's say you engaged in conversation about stuff you didn't want to talk about and things are starting to go in a less than optimal direction. At this point conversations can escalate and the Grinch is within striking distance of stealing Christmas. What do you do? Bring it back, take a deep breath and change the way you're responding to the situation in a way that brings about peace. You're right, they're wrong, but who the heck cares?! It's Christmas, you don't have to go to work, and someone bought you a sweater. Whatever it is, it's not that serious, at least not during the holidays. However, if this doesn't work, then all you can really do is go back to the basics...
5) Food and liquor
You have friends back home. Call them, get out of the house, and go somewhere that has food and alcohol. You deserve a break, and your friends deserve entertaining stories about your family's special brand of crazy
I'm going to try and follow my own advice. Feel free to do the same :) Anywho, stay random and enjoy your holiday. As a gift, here's DMX rapping with glee about Rudolph. Why? Because it's Christmas! What! Holler :)
To be honest, I feel weird writing anything about the senseless tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, but to write about anything else seems frivolous and disrespectful to the victims. So here goes...and this will be more of a rant than anything else.
There's also the gun obsession in this country that allows an organization like the NRA to thrive. I'm all about protecting yourself, using guns responsibly for sport, or collecting them if that's your interest. I have uncles and cousins who hunt and have several rifles, and once considered getting a gun myself because I'm a single woman in the big city living in a neighborhood that while gentrified, is still a wee bit sketchy. One of my best girlfriends is a gun owner. I get it. What I don't get is why people ignore or don't realize there's a middle ground. You can uphold the Second Amendment for law-abiding gun owners and have strong, sensible laws that restrict gun ownership so that guns don't keep ending up in the hands of those that are irresponsible, criminally inclined, mentally ill or just plain evil.
So, how many of these MASSACRES have to happen before people stop believing the lie that the government is going to take their guns away, and how long will it take for politicians to stop putting their own self-interest ahead of the safety of their constituents before we stop the madness? Do 50 children have to be killed, 100? How many people have to die while Christmas shopping or watching a movie? How many young Black men have to die in Chicago, New York, and Sanford, Florida? Usually when these things happen, we rightfully cry and protest, but nothing happens. This time has to be different. If not, we only have ourselves to blame for the next massacre, because there will be another one if something doesn't change.
I have very few answers, but I do know we need to force our leaders to actually lead and put gun control back on the table and keep it there until there's a meaningful change in the nation's gun laws, starting with reinstating the assault weapons ban. We need to put relentless pressure on lawmakers to exhibit some courage and actually stand up to the NRA and the rest of the gun lobby. We as country need to be courageous enough to address the gun problem in this country and resist our tendency to let a vocal, paranoid, and dishonest minority control the debate. Without leadership and courage, we are dooming ourselves to a bloody, violent reality where tragedies like Newtown become the new normal. I think I can safely say that this is no way to live.
If you want to help the community of Newtown, here's some information:
The United Way of Western Connecticut in partnership with the Newtown Savings Bank has set up a Sandy Hook School Support fund to provide services to families and community members affected by Friday’s school shooting.
Donations by check can be sent to:
Sandy Hook School Support Fund
c/o Newtown Savings Bank
39 Main Street, Newtown CT 06470
So, like a lot of people I'm a fan of Kerry Washington's SCANDAL on ABC. It's a political soap opera on crack and while not perfect, it's kept me entertained enough to give it a coveted spot on my TV viewing calendar.
As good SCANDAL viewers know, Washington's Olivia Pope is involved in an on-again, off-again affair with President Fitzgerald Grant played by Tony Goldwyn, A.K.A., Fitz, A.K.A. the guy who killed Patrick Swayze in Ghost. During the campaign Pope and the POTUS fell madly in love and can't seem to stay away from each other. During the Dec. 6 episode we saw Pope and Grant have sexy time at Camp David and in the Oval Office on top of President Grant's desk. Um, can we say bold...and HOTTT!
In this same episode you gained a better sense of Olivia and Fitz's devotion and connection to each other, what with the epic "I belong to you speech" and Olivia sniffing Fitz's clothes because that's just how deep their love is. I couldn't help but laugh when the The Root compared their declarations of love to R. Kelly lyrics.
Washington and Goldwyn have great chemistry, and the girly girl in me wants to see love conquer all. However, while watching this particular episode of SCANDAL, I started to feel some kind of way about Olivia and Fitz and their shenanigans in the name of love. During one scene, Fitz takes Olivia to view the U.S. Constitution. Not his wife, mind you, but Olivia, his mistress, sidepiece, whatever you want to call it. I mean, if that ain't love, I don't know what is. During this visit, Olivia declares that she's all in and fully committed to carrying on a relationship with a married man. Uh, well OK then.
Yes, Fitz and Olivia have been carrying on for a while now, but this scene got to me because it showed that their affair was a deliberate decision and not something that just happened that they couldn't control. I know, this is a fictional TV show, but if this were real life, Olivia and Fitz would be called everything but children of God and considered the most trifling, selfish people on the planet. Yet if you were on Twitter the night of this episode, you would know that viewers are rooting for Olivia and Fitz. I mean, Olivia is miserable, and Fitz hates his wife because he can't be with Olivia. If they could just be together, rainbows, puppies, kittens, and glitter would erupt from the sky and the world would be a much better place, right? The fact that they made a conscious decision to engage in an adulterous affair for God knows how long? Chile, why you gotta bring up old ish?
If nothing else, we know two things: 1) The media influences perceptions, even among reasonable intelligent adults, and 2) nobody with morals cheers for adultery in real life. But, if we're rooting for adultery on our favorite television shows, what does that say about us?
Anywho, these are just my random thoughts. If you need another perspective on Olivia and Fitz's problematic love story, check out DistrictDiva's take.
"I wanna try something new," says the handsome brother with the questionable hairline in the Match.com commercial. Sounds reasonable, so why not? Yes, I'm in the process of joining Match.com. I say "process" because I've registered, written a profile, and answered the questions, but I haven't paid any money yet or done the most important thing: upload a profile picture.
Why am I doing this? For one, it's time. I haven't dated in a while, and single people need to date. It's the law...of nature. Secondly, I love my female friends to death, but every once in while you just get sick of looking at women (again, LOVE you guys! Smooches and xoxo!). Sometimes you gotta shake things up and get a different perspective that often times requires a different gender. Lastly, I'm just not that girl who meets guys at parties, lounges, clubs, bars, etc. The few times I have it usually didn't amount to anything, or something awkward happened. No shade to Issa Rae, but I'm the queen of Awkward Black Girls, and it's hard for ABGs out here in these streets.
Also, you can't argue with the success rate, at least among the people that I know. Way too many of my friends and acquaintances have met their husbands on Match.com and are happy as pigs in slop (or something country like that). They have babies and as far as I know, are no closer to divorce that I am with my unmarried self. How can I not try it? While I'm not necessarily looking for a husband at this very moment, I'm open to the possibility that he could be just a profile or email away.
I'd be lying if I said that my age and the marital status of my friends and family members weren't having some type of impact on my decision. My 31-year-old sister got engaged recently and two married friends are pregnant. I knew everyone else would beat me to the altar, and I believe that there's someone out there for everyone. However, I also recognize that waiting for Prince Charming to show up instead of putting myself out there won't get me any free food and long romantic walks in the park. Life is all about finding someone to manage your crazy, and I know that I'm not going to find this manager unless I post a position description.
So, here I am, ready to embark of this journey called online dating and hopefully have something to show for it. Oh yeah, right after I pay money to meet someone who will hopefully pay for dinner and select a profile picture that will catch the eye of a potential suitor. Oh the shameless self-profession of it all!
Anywho, wish me luck, and let me know if you have any tips for successful online dating in the comments.
Well, you've been waiting for it and now it's FINALLY here, Election Day! Did you vote? You are going to vote, RIGHT?! People fought and died for the right to vote, so the least we can do is stand in a line. Seriously, if you bring snacks and a charged smartphone you'll be fine.
Anywho, like many of you, this election has stressed me out and driven me to drink...a little (I kid...sort of). At a certain point, I got so sick of all the election chatter that I mastered the art of not looking at the election coverage on CNN.com and going straight for the stories about any and everything else. I also stopped looking at my Twitter feed for a minute because I follow too many news outlets. For a while I actually did a pretty good job of avoiding tiresome, deceptive ads and headache-inducing polls, pundits, and predictions. Now the campaign emails are another story.
If all this sounds melodramatic, that's fine because I never claimed that I wasn't a bit of a drama queen. I'm not going to lie, this election has me shook. However, stress relief is now in order.
So, what do you do to relieve stress when the future of your country is at stake?
1) Acknowledge that you did everything you could do: You voted, donated, canvassed, phone banked, drove "souls to the polls"...you did it ALL! However, things could still not turn out the way you want. Accept that and refuse to be discouraged or defeated.
2) Pray: It's fine to have a preference, and God knows I do (literally), but it's also important to pray for a spirit that accepts whatever happens. Basically, give the situation to God. Releasing burdens to God is one of the best stress/pain relievers on the market.
3) Move: Resolve to keep moving forward no matter the outcome. There's still work to do no matter who occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. If you're disappointed tonight, there will be a tomorrow.
Whatever happens, it is what it is...
Relax, relate and release. As I minister to you, I minister to MYSELF! Stay random.
Happy Freakin' New Year, People!
